? You see others as you see yourself ?
Sometimes this phrase is said:
You see others as you are.
What this quote means is that we typically see others based on our own personal histories, our knowledge of the world, our perception of reality.
At my last CoDA meeting, I realised that I was very concerned about attending every meeting and being on time.
This is a new awareness for me. I was afraid of being judged… by guess who, another CoDA member!
I’ve heard this member outwardly judge other members who skip meetings. This member also had a talk with me about my tardiness when agreeing to meet him/her. Being late is my archilles heel, and also a very sensitive topic for me. But I’m glad he/she brought it up though, because I appreciate their honesty.
In any case, I reflected and because of these few reasons, I grew a fear and anxiety toward making sure I attend meetings and do not arrive late.
I was afraid of being judged 🙁
Traits of Codependency include:
- Judging harshly what others think, say or do – which is what I think that this member was doing.
- Hypervigilance toward other people’s feelings – which was what I was doing.
- Needing people to like us; we don’t take any kind of rejection well.
I’m learning to let go of meeting the expectations of this person. After all, they saw others as they see themselves. He/she probably has these expectations on themself, so they also laid these expectations on others.
Are you subconsciously trying to live up to someone else’s unspoken expectations of you? Do you feel fear or anxiety around anyone in particular?
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