Hug yourself today
My sister got married on Sat 7 Jan.
I was sleep deprived in preparation for the day. After the entire do that night, without showering, I crashed on the couch. I woke up at 6am to see my husb out the door – he had a flight to catch.
I started to cry
…and spent the next two hours on my couch – going from tearing to sobbing, tearing to sobbing. A lot of thoughts danced in my mind.
I couldn’t put a finger on WHY exactly I was crying… But I realised knowing why was secondary. I should just stop thinking and let myself cry, since this is what my body wanted to do.
I also felt very alone
That fuelled my crying even more. I didn’t know WHO to tell, who to call/text to tell them I needed to talk.
I sent out a tweet
No replies. Usually I don’t get much responses on my Twitter, my recovery fam on IG is more expressive in showing support.
I realised I wanted to speak to and hear another human’s voice
Text on a screen wasn’t enough. I also wanted them to see me cry, if possible. This was very helpful during group therapy in the past. I realised I wanted that.
I was in anguish
I told myself – trust the Universe to provide!!! Now is the time to try… I found it in me to text 2 people, one is an old friend who knows my family, one is a CoDA friend/sponsor who knows my recent difficult time with my family, and I emailed my group therapy mate whom I’m still in contact with.
I was in shambles and was feeling VERY desperate for human communication.
The old friend replied rather quickly
I was surprised and relieved!!! It was after all 8am on a Sunday, I know he spends Suns with his child, but I tried my luck anyway. We ended up talking for an hour and a bit. It was so good to connect with him. I haven’t confided in him in a very long time.
The Universe sent another†angel
My CoDA friend (and 14 Day program sponsor) replied my text some time later. I told her I managed to talk to someone. She told me:
I hope you have a restful day where you can recover and hug yourself very very tight.
I managed to sleep on and off today, but I’ve not hugged myself. I still find it hard to do.
This is a reminder
…to hug myself whenever I need one.
And to continue to hold on to the hope that the Universe provides.
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