Ringing in Chinese New Year
It’s the Eve of Chinese New Year, a big festival for us.
We had Reunion Dinner on 7 Feb, Sun night.
It seems like my mother has not gotten tired of publicly shaming me yet.
The shaming must go on…
1. She said my sister should impose a weight loss requirement on me if she intends to have me as one of her bridesmaids, i.e., she thinks I’m fat.
2. She asked me to throw my skirt away. The zipper kept coming undone. She didn’t put it in a concerned manner, more in the direction of “just throw the damn thing away”.
3. She told everyone at the table I don’t like to brush my teeth, like I’m a dirty person.
Throughout all this, I was keeping score.
I have not mastered the art of not retorting, but at least I could play observer as this unfolds, from the outside looking in, almost. I give myself credit for not blowing up at her.
My mother is completely oblivious to how snide she is, how insulting she is, how un-nurturing she is, how hurtful she can be.
She is close to 70 years old. You’d expect better from someone her age. Or, not?
Not being able to let go
It’s sad that she will bring all her idiosyncrasies to the grave (I mean, it’s not like she is going to change herself any time soon). It’s possibly even sadder that the “ideal” daughters or family she hopes to have will never exist, because she can never give that idea up.
She wants daughters/family who will give her all the attention and praise in the world, like she is the most tireless, selfless human being alive.
These classifications do shed some light for me, on how to think about her, and how to deal with her.
A “great” start to the New Year
I’m not sure what else will transpire as the New Year unfolds. All my childhood demons may resurface; I may look at my extended family in a new light, since I’ve started my journey on healing my inner child.
Fingers crossed. Here we go.