I posted a while back on how we see others as we are.
I realise I also subconsciously practice selective vision and hearing.
Do you also practice selective “seeing” and hearing?
Over Chinese New Year, I asked my dad out for dinner. And during dinner, I was faced with his “stories” again. I never know what to make of them; I don’t know when he is lying and when he is telling the truth.
He seems to like to spin yarns for entertainment’s sake? Imagine, since a young age, I grew a distrust toward both my parents (entirely explains why I have trouble with authority figures!) because I did not know what to believe since over time I realised that the truth was kept from us on purpose or we would be told a version of the truth, but never the whole truth.
My dad is like Edward Bloom from Big Fish
I lamented my frustration to my husband (he has heard this many times before). He said I should just laugh along with my dad when he tells his fantastical stories.
Have you watched Big Fish? THAT is my dad exactly.
(In case, you’re wondering, it was a movie based on a novel.)
My husb then said something groundbreaking.
He said that my dad has built a safe zone for himself, which are these stories he tells, which are meant to amuse others. He shields himself from rejection and shame because no one can fault him when he shares these “stories” about his own life.
My dad even does this to his own family – his nieces, nephews, siblings. All these years I’ve watched him do it.
My eyes were OPENED that night.
The only version of my dad I knew and chose to see was someone who would blatantly lie to his children, thinking they don’t deserve the truth (god knows why).
But my husband’s observations enlightened me.
My father is a sick man, emotionally and mentally
I can see he is a tormented soul, in so many ways.
Whether I want to accept him and his yarns – that will be up to me. I’m glad I’m learning more about my parents.
And I’m healthy enough now to SEE and HEAR what I need to, instead of being stuck as the victim child.
Do you find that you practice selective sight and hearing too?
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