It’s not too late

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“It’s not too late to…” — something I’m learning to accept right now. (My own “It’s not too late” quote from other Its Not Too Late quotes)

It could be black & white thinking, or defeatist thinking… But I think this way a lot. More than I should.

I think I’ve missed the boat, so why bother? So everything I want to do is just stuck in my head. And somehow I juggle two realities – one, I’ve done what I planned to; two, I’ve not, and the fear of failure just prevents me from taking action.

I guess this is my internal defence mechanism (just like binge-watching “Grimm”). It’s paralysing AND annoying. It’s like I can see it right before me but I can’t do anything about it, and I just let it unfold, again and again, this “passivity” washing over me every single day. I have been feeling stuck. So much inaction has caused an increasing sense of panic and desperation (regarding my livelihood). I don’t know how to shake it off. The being paralysed, I mean. I’m literally lying on my bed, and not doing a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g (just messing around with my phone), or watching Grimm while eating dinner, and that’s it, no work done at all (no work = no money).

But today, I’m not sure what jolted me, but I felt pumped come late afternoon. This growing to-do list in my head, I finally want to take action and check off some stuff. I know I won’t be able to do it all by today/tonight, but at least it’s a head start.

I don’t know if it’s wallowing in self-pity (it doesn’t really feel like it), it’s just being… STUCK, in passivity. And I don’t know how to turn the switch from being passive to being active again. I wish I knew how. The mysteries of being human? I wish someone would give me the answer or magic antidote. That’s what we all want right? For all our problems to be magically whisked away…

My current wish is for my long to-do list to be magically completed! ?

The assurance I give myself in times of being stuck… that it’s not too late. Don’t listen to the voice that says I’m not good enough. And progressively do what I have to!

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