This is a new weekly series of reflections regarding the day’s meditation in The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie that is read aloud at the CoDependents Anonymous (CoDA) meetings I attend.
MAR 2 Meditation:
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Feelings on the Job
I’m furious about my job. Another man got a promotion that I believe I deserve. I’m so mad I feel like quitting. Now my wife says I should deal with my feelings. What good will that do? He still got the promotion.
Our feelings at work are as important as our feelings in any other area of our life. Feelings are feelings—and wherever we incur them, dealing with them is what helps us move forward and grow.
Not acknowledging our feelings is what keeps us stuck and gives us stomachaches, headaches, and heartburn.
Yes, it can be a challenge to deal with feelings on the job. Sometimes, things can appear useless. One of our favorite tricks to avoid dealing with feelings is telling ourselves it’s useless.
We want to give careful consideration to how we deal with our feelings on our job. It may be appropriate to take our intense feelings to someone not connected to our workplace and sort through them in a safe way.
Once we’ve experienced the intensity of the feelings, we can figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves on the job.
Sometimes, as in any area of our life, feelings are to be felt and accepted. Sometimes, they are pointing to a problem in us, or a problem we need to resolve with someone else.
Sometimes, our feelings are helping to point us in a direction. Sometimes, they’re connected to a message, or a fear: I’ll never be successful.… I’ll never get what I want…. I’m not good enough….
Sometimes, the solution is a spiritual approach or remedy. Remember, whenever we bring a spiritual approach to any area of our life, we get the benefit.
We won’t know what the lesson is until we summon the courage to stand still and deal with our feelings.
Today, I will consider my feelings at work as important as my feelings at home or anywhere else. I will find an appropriate way to deal with them.
“Feelings are feelings”
This is a great reminder that feelings just ARE. They are no right or wrong feelings, no good (righteous) or bad (evil) feelings. You are not a bad person if you feel certain feelings.
“Not acknowledging our feelings is what keeps us stuck and gives us stomachaches, headaches, and heartburn.”
Like what my therapist used to tell me, if one doesn’t deal with one’s feelings, we will get (emotionally) constipated. And that will manifest in various ways – mentally, physically, spiritually – and cause trouble for us.
The effects of being “stuck” will get compounded. And dysfunctional behaviour and lives will ensue. I should know, this is my life story!
“One of our favorite tricks to avoid dealing with feelings is telling ourselves it’s useless.”
Wow, she is right. This runs through my mind a lot. Things being useless, worthless and meaningless.
I know she is saying that, like in her example, dealing with our feelings is “useless” because it can’t change the situation that we are affected by.
BUT, we need to remember that while we cannot change/control people, things and outcomes, we can decide how we want to react and face that outward situation.
I’m mad that Tom got promoted and I didn’t. I had an expectation and it wasn’t met. I’m not only angry, I’m disappointed. I feel lost. I don’t understand how Tom is better than me. Am I less worthy? Right now I hate Tom and whoever decided to promote him. I’m angry, and sad, and that’s OK. I’m not a bad or lousy person because I feel this way nor because I wasn’t the one chosen for the promotion. I need to let off some steam; I’ll go figure out how I can do that. For now I need to face my anger (and sadness), and make sure I don’t vent it on others too.
“We won’t know what the lesson is until we summon the courage to stand still and deal with our feelings.”
You know the drill – the same things keep coming back to haunt us or we keep making the same mistakes if we don’t face up to what it is that is bothering us.
I think this is what this sentence means.
So yes, a lesson in denial. If I keep denying or choosing to ignore my feelings, which are actually triggered from a situation or person, then whatever it is I need to address will always loom over me, and lie in wait. When something similar occurs, my feelings will arise again, and I will suffer the cumulative effects.
I need to be honest and come clean with myself, no matter how uncomfortable. And I need to know it is OK to feel uncomfortable or painful, because it is inevitable. But if I don’t sit with the discomfort or go through it, then I will never deal with whatever it is at hand.
Being still and dealing with my feelings is how I can take care of myself.
Do you have any thoughts from this reading? Please feel free to share with me in the comments below, I’d love to discourse and exchange views with you 🙂
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
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> View Thought For The Day by Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation (the book’s publisher) here.