How did you spend your NYE?

This was mine:

A simple cafe brunch with my husband

Got some work done

Did my first “outreach” with a CoDa member – 1. I needed to share the pain I experienced when I was holding back from launching into my “codependent craziness” when my husband woke up late for an appointment. 2. I had to decide what to do because I owed someone as email, a friend whom I’ve had a misunderstanding with. I was really conflicted with what I should do. I communicated with the member I chose via text, and she left me a voice mail. Hearing her voice did help. And so did her sharing her feedback, and some helpful and illuminating points.

Had a double date dinner

Went for karaoke to count down – Another first for me; I was actually willing to go for a karaoke session. I actually didn’t feel tortured!
Realisation 1: I  normally feel a burden of behaving to people’s expectations. And I get resentful. This is one of the main circumstances where I act out my discomfort and displeasure. In the karaoke room, people always pester me (or they think they’re being encouraging) to sing along. I get super annoyed. I tell them I need some time to warm up (and pray and hope they go away and stop asking me) I need to be inebriated to even contemplate holding the mic!
Realisation 2: I fear judgement if I sing badly. This is my perfectionist side talking.
In conclusion, it is my Codependency at work again. Which either has been better controlled with recovery, or I felt safe with the two persons I shared the karaoke experience with.

Other reasons I don’t like karaoke:
– Some people really sing quite badly; why should I have to endure such noise pollution?
– I don’t really enjoy singing as a form of expression
– I think it can get pretty solitary despite it occurring in a group setting; sometimes the people who aren’t singing are too pre-occupied with choosing their songs, and the singing just becomes a lonely affair

I’m glad I managed to let loose, didn’t feel resentful, and even sang some songs willingly 🙂

So, how did you spend your 31st of December 2015?

Due to my mental health struggles, I have problems earning a stable income. In order to help myself financially, this post may contain affiliate links. This means that I may earn a small fee at no extra cost to you, based on your activity on this page. (See my disclaimer page for more information.) If you wish to show your support, you may take a look at my Etsy shop and see if anything tickles your fancy 🙂 Sending you warmth & gratitude in advance! Once again, thank you for reading my blog.

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