Is this a panic attack?

is this a panic attack - girlintherapy
Is this how a panic attack feels like?

I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW AND AM TRYING TO CALM DOWN.

I was speaking gibberish to my husb when I called him.

Are these symptoms of Panic???

I see roaches

There has been a cockroach infestation in the last few weeks (around a month), and I’ve just informed the building management.

BASICALLY A ROACH WALKED UNDER MY FEET (I had my legs propped up on an opposite chair) AND THEN BY THE TIME I WHIPPED OUT THE INSECTICIDE I COULDN’T FIND THE F*CKER.

I started shouting at it. And walking on tip toe.

I didn’t want the thing to run out from nowhere. My stomach is in knots!!! I started being paranoid and thinking it would be everywhere in the house! The cockroaches have been in almost every part of my house in the last month!!!!!!!!!!!!! Including outside our door on the pathway!

I live in fear everyday

Everything that is dark and the size of a roach would startle me. Any small sudden noise I will think it’s a roach. It increases my OCD – roaches are disgusting and carry diseases! Am I getting PTSD wrt roaches??!!!

I thought we were the ones breeding them, but now I truly suspect it’s to do with the vacant unit beside us. There has been none seen at the common rubbish/refuse point. Until recently.

I couldn’t figure it out!!! I just feel better that I’m not causing this.

But also helpless because we can’t do ANYTHING about it personally/directly.

I walked out

I’ve gone out to meet my husb nearby because I can’t be at home right now.

I’m sitting here and stomach feels like it’s being squeezed.

I also feel like I need to feed myself.

I’m waiting for him to be done with his work discussion so we can go home and wipe out that f*cker!!!

 

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29 comments

  1. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @alexisn168 Thank you so much… I don’t believe it’s us who’s attracting these roaches. So wiping down may not help. Because I suspect the roaches are simply roaming around when night falls. Only two households, one on each side of the vacant unit is experiencing this (one of them being us). I don’t believe either of us are drawing them to our apartments. See my next post for my update. I had peace for two days. But guess what – that peace was shattered when another roach was sighted! It seemed like it materialised from nowhere! Urghhh. Thankfully this time I managed to kill it! (This post was written due to my meltdown because I couldn’t find it to kill it.) But my husb is out, I’m waiting for him to be back to clear the critter. I’ve moved away from where I was working to the couch, because the dead roach is right there

  2. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @seekthegift Thank you for explaining it to me. Somehow, what you’ve described, I relate it to PTSD. Though I’m sure it’s an overlap of symptoms. Yes, what you’ve shared does help me. I’m aware of when I’m going through the motions of fear, when it is being expressed outwardly. Sometimes I can control it, sometimes I can’t. When it’s at its peak, it’s hard to control… But thankfully it doesn’t occur often.

  3. alexisn168 profile image
    alexisn168 says:

    @girlintherapy I think the vacant apartment is infested. Not sure where in the world you are located but could you phone/notify your local health department. The Manager and the Owner will get fined. Some tips: find any holes and put torn up steel wool in them. No matter how small the hole. Also, cockroaches love water. Be careful of your OCD but take the time to wipe out the shower, hand basins and sink when you use them. Good luck. Be brave .

  4. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @alexisn168 Oh, and I told the janitor/cleaner when I heard him outside my door. I asked if he also noticed the number of dead roaches on the walkway. He said yes and it seems like only our floor and our side of the building is facing this… I begged him to inform the manager. I already emailed them, but nothing beats if a disinterested party expresses it to the “powers that be” straight from the source? I really hope he managed to tell the manager who is comes by our building today, once a week…

  5. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @alexisn168 Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experience with me… I literally stopped in my tracks when I read the part about one being in your hair The ones here are around the size of my thumb? They’ve wings too. Geez why are they so big and scuttle fast and fly toward you?? They’re a really terrorising presence ☹️ I have both a fear and anger toward them now. My husb said: if it comes out (from where it’s apparently hiding) then we will get rid of it! I guess I realised I really couldn’t do anything if I/we couldn’t find it. Also, I tried to soothe myself by thinking about how my Higher Power is supposed to be loving and will not want the roach to terrorise me in my sleep nor give me a rude shock…

  6. alexisn168 profile image
    alexisn168 says:

    In the Northern Territory, Australia, they are huge and have wings. I used to have long curly curly hair. The first week I was on our balcony at night. One flew in my hair and got caught I was screaming blue murder. My husband ran out with a cricket bat thinking someone was attacking me. I literally know how sick you feel. For me it was the worst at the time. After that experience they didn’t bother me so much. They still make me squeamish and at night I never go barefoot but I don’t get the mad revulsion and anxiety anymore.

  7. seekthegift profile image
    seekthegift says:

    Yes it’s when something scares you ,and you continue to think about it and The fear repeats itself over and over . it then becomes a perpetual thought which you feel uneasy about that is how anxiety starts . Anxiety needs a host to feed off of almost like a parasite that needs a host to live off , which in your case is the fear of roaches . You now become sensitive whenever hearing or seeing them , and that fear triggers the anxiety button , I hope it makes sense to you from how I phrased it . Just know that you can control it , and do not let it control you by believing all the scenarios which you have thought of.

  8. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    I’m lying in bed now trying to sleep. All in all, I’m surprised that everyone that responded/commented on this post aren’t the usual few (those whom I’ve interacted with more on Instagram). So I’m glad to “meet” my other followers who’ve been there around but I’m not aware of them Thank you for being there in your own way @ham_colton @malaikanaqvi1 @seekthegift @borderline.suicidal My Higher Power is trying to tell me I’m not alone 🏼

  9. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @malaikanaqvi1 Thank you so much for trying to comfort me somewhat… After getting home, we still couldn’t find it I really hope it won’t appear out of a sudden again and scare the day lights out of me. I’m still shaken. My husb said he’ll protect me… But he isn’t always around isn’t it, and I can’t always use him as my shield. I really hope the building management does something really soon!

  10. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @borderline.suicidal Yes I’ve placed traps. Not glue ones, I don’t think I’ll be able to stand seeing any being caught! It’s the type where it’s a bait and then it poisons them. I can’t believe that roach simply sauntered past me!!! Esp after the traps I’ve placed!!! I have an aversion toward the smell of insecticide now too 🙁 I’m sorry you had that happen to you!!! I personally think I will FAINT if that happened to me

  11. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @malaikanaqvi1 Thank you!! I actually feel shame that I am afraid. I’m not usually afraid, until they run toward me. But now when I see even a dead one, I get a deep sense of dread 🙁 🙁 🙁 My insides (tummy area) is still pretty wound up. Maybe I should try some breathing exercises

  12. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @ham_colton I’ve never “heard” from you before – you’ve never left comments before this? Since you say “it’s not like you to swear”, I suppose you’ve been following me for some time? Thank you for being part of my journey, thank you for being there *silently* in the background

  13. girlintherapy profile image
    girlintherapy says:

    @ham_colton Thank you for commenting, and for your empathy. I hope it gets better too. And sorry if you are affected by my swearing. I am pretty mindful with my posts on here; I do swear IRL, but I try to keep things “clean” as much as possible. But this time I am really quite shaken.

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