Today I went to get my facial done. And I finally said “no”.
Background
I have been going to the beauty boutique for close to two years. I enjoy their service. In short, my beautician has good skills. BUT they always manage to get me to buy something. And I ALWAYS give in.
What I don’t like
Do you know which part of the session my beautician will try to sell me their services and products?
When she is squeezing my zits and blackheads! When it hurts the most! I think she strategically wants to provoke a response from me when I’m the most vulnerable!
Why I give in
I have thought about this issue for a long time because it bugs me SO MUCH.
- I say “yes” to whatever she is selling so that she will stop her mental and physical torture — she will keep harping on a product or service, saying how good it is, how I need it, how they have a promotional price right now; all this while she is inflicting pain on my face!
- I know the pain in inevitable, I don’t mind that since it is simply part of the process of the facial. But her just droning on and on until I respond. If I say “no”, she will start to convince me over and over. So it doesn’t stop until I say “yes”.
- It must be because my self-esteem is in question. I have a lower self-esteem than I thought. So when someone is offering me something that will “fix” me, it activates a soft spot. If I did not have low self-esteem, I would not turn so easily when someone offers me something I don’t think I need.
Having low self-esteem
My low sense of self comes from:
- Thinking my looks and complexion etc are not as good as others
I’m always trying to be better looking, less blemishes, get rid of my supposed dry skin, blackheads. I don’t want the silly pale/fair skin that most Asians want and advertisers tell us to want. I’m ok with the olive tan that I’m born with. Just everything else — other people seem to have it easier to “look good”. - I am insecure about my standing in life
And by that I mean if they ask me to buy something, especially since they make it seem like they’re giving me a good price, how a lot of their clients are using it, etc. If I reject them, it would be like it is because I don’t have the money to pay. Which is actually THE TRUTH. It is true that my income is not stable, but I cover up my insecurity about that by creating the image that I’m financially fine! How screwed up is that! - My Codependence cannot accept that people may think badly of me
I agree to their selling tactic because when I imply that I disagree with their sale, they give me a bad tone. It’s almost like emotional blackmail or emotional manipulation. I hate that. I also hate that I give in to that. Because I don’t want them to think I’m a bad client and dislike me. If I understood what good boundaries are, I won’t feel so easily affected by their sales approach. Which is to crush your self-esteem and you simply give in. Which is horrible!
It’s completely stupid that I now have at least three year’s worth of sessions (they sell different treatments at 10 sessions each), and I have tried all sorts of product upsells they have proposed to me. Some take-home products I do like. But, why do they have to cost US$150??? I did not do the math initially, but now that I have, each of my facial sessions is around $200! All their products seem to cost around US$150 (what the hell). That’s CRAZY. But too late now, I have made payment. What more via installment payments so it seems more affordable — not really!
Other stupid tactics they’ve tried
“Let me swipe your credit card to see how much can be deducted.” — Say what?????
“Your installment for payment A is almost done, so you’d be alright buying this new thing we are trying to sell you right?” — Uhmm no, I have OTHER bills to pay, not just what I buy at your boutique!
Rationalising their actions
What I didn’t understand was: Why do they have to pitch me a sale EVERY SINGLE TIME I went for a facial?
I grew extremely resentful over time. I wondered why were they doing this to me!!!
I decided the only way to get them off my back is to tell them sob stories so my beautician would stop trying to “sell” me. I told her about my mom getting cancer (this was around 5 years ago, but I told her it just happened),
I am married to a sales director. So I played it out in my head objectively and I know my husband would say: they are just doing their job. And he would be right.
Since they were just doing their job, it was my job to respond. No matter how I responded, they’d have to take it, like it or not!
My test came…
After 5 months of “escaping” the beauty boutique, and being long overdue for a facial (so many stray eyebrow hairs), I finally went for an appointment.
I actually forgot one of the reasons I held myself back was because I had an outstanding payment to them! Only got reminded when I went in.
I braced myself. I was thinking, months of individual therapy, group therapy, CoDa, being on recovery… should amount to something right? The facial appointment felt like a test of sorts.
And then I said “no”, and held my ground!
Reflection
I’m not sure if my beautician did not push it because I told her about my mom’s latest cancer (which is the truth). Or because I said “no” a few times to her trying to sell me a new facial essence since I have not come in for so many months — typical!
Again, like always, she had to ask me while hurting my face. I was thinking: there she goes again…
This time when I said no, I was not uncomfortable inside. I simply said no. She tried again. I said no again. I think there were only two no’s and I was let off the hook.
Maybe she thought since I already had an outstanding balance to pay, so she decided not to pursue because I would not likely relent.
So many possible reasons. But the most important thing is: I am a victor!
Both my heart and pocket did not have to bleed this time!
Conclusion
I hope I can continue saying “no” without feeling bad because I really don’t wish to buy anything from them for a long time. I have many many sessions already bought. There is NO reason to buy more. Which they of course will find every way to say it’s inadequate, how my skin has changed since I first stepped in — yeah right, then they should have got it right in the first place! It’s not like I’m going through some life change like menopause where your skin may change drastically due to hormonal changes. I hope I don’t ever give in to them giving me attitude for not agreeing to a sale. I will just tell them to eff-off!!!