Steve has taught me that there are four emotions:
Over all this time, I’ve learnt not to feel. Because I’ve been programmed by my childhood that feelings are “troublesome”. So, I’m not in touch with my own feelings. This has led to my Codependency. I am definitely in touch with my thoughts, but not my feelings.
Emotional “muscle memory”
During therapy, Steve will ask me to identify how I am feeling whenever I talk about anything that affects me. I find that I always have trouble with that. I will be stumped for words.
But I guess it is like a muscle that has to be flexed and toned; “muscle memory”, if you will.
Are my emotions valid?
What I also do often is question the validity of my feelings. I will discuss issues with people close to me, like my husband, and ask him if I’m “allowed” to feel this way.
Steve has taught me not to deny my feelings. And to acknowledge them. There is nothing “wrong” with any of my feelings; I feel what I feel, and that’s what it is. It is like stuffing the truth in a bottle. And the bottle gets full, and it comes to a breaking point.
Cause of Depression
All these emotions being suppressed and congested is what’s causing my Depression, according to Steve. Learning this new emotional literacy will be hard. I’ve too many mental blocks. But I will try. And I won’t stop trying, until I’ve cleared out all that’s STUCK for so many years.