During group therapy last week, there are two new things on my to-do list:
No, I don’t think I’m meant to do both at the same time!
Getting in touch with my feelings
The purpose of finding a time alone and cry my eyes out and to dance like no one is watching, is to get in touch with my feelings. As what Steve said, to get out of my head and into my body, i.e., my feelings.
CoDa & crying
Before group therapy last week, because Steve said to let myself be comfortable crying, I let myself cry during CoDa.
But I realised I was crying at EVERY SINGLE members’ sharing.
This surprised me and annoyed me. I was thinking: I must be REALLY sad, and carrying so much sadness within me. And also, should I just get it all out of my system, to have a big cry and have a “tear dump” of sorts, to prevent myself from constantly crying throughout CoDa meetings???
So I asked Steve, and he said he thinks it’s a great idea! Wow, ok. So I got permission there. I was thinking he might think it was silly, because it was like aimlessly crying. But he said, if there was any opportunity to get in touch with my feelings, I should do it. So, ok, I will break the dam… soon.
Dance like no one is watching
Steve asked us if we liked to dance. I think he gave an analogy about letting loose and letting go, I suppose. I don’t recall the exact reason he brought up dancing.
But he did say, dancing is playing. It’s a time for our inner child to come out and play.
It is sad though, that I think I’ve lost my dancing shoes. I can’t dance to save my life now 🙁 I used to like to jiggy on the dance floor. That is something my husband and I enjoyed going out to do.
I am usually self-conscious, so even though I like dancing, I have to drink a few rounds of alcohol to be less inhibited.
This brought to mind when I had a huge urge to dance, to really SHAKE IT ALL OUT. This was before I got married.
I was at home (living with my mom), I poured myself a drink (or a few), locked my bedroom door, put on my earphones… and DANCED.
Steve said I should find the time to do this again. So that I will be more comfortable with my body. And that will help me relate to my feelings.
Crying and Dancing to get comfortable in my own skin
This is definitely a revelation.
I have not found the time to cry OR dance this week. And group therapy is in two days.
Or maybe I will… 🙂
In the meantime, here’s a dance video Steve posted shortly after the session was over. Can’t help but smile 🙂