How did you spend your NYE?
This was mine:
A simple cafe brunch with my husband
Got some work done
Did my first “outreach” with a CoDa member – 1. I needed to share the pain I experienced when I was holding back from launching into my “codependent craziness” when my husband woke up late for an appointment. 2. I had to decide what to do because I owed someone as email, a friend whom I’ve had a misunderstanding with. I was really conflicted with what I should do. I communicated with the member I chose via text, and she left me a voice mail. Hearing her voice did help. And so did her sharing her feedback, and some helpful and illuminating points.
Had a double date dinner
Went for†karaoke to count down – Another first for me; I was actually willing to go for a karaoke session. I actually didn’t feel tortured!
Realisation 1: I †normally feel a burden of behaving to people’s expectations. And I get resentful. This is one of the main circumstances where I act out my discomfort and displeasure. In the karaoke room, people always pester me (or they think they’re†being encouraging) to sing along. I get super annoyed. I tell them I need some time to warm up (and pray and hope they go away and stop asking me) I need to be inebriated to even contemplate holding the mic!
Realisation 2: I fear judgement if I sing badly. This is my perfectionist side talking.
In conclusion, it is my Codependency at work again. Which either has been better controlled with recovery, or I felt safe with the two persons I shared the karaoke experience with.
Other reasons I don’t like karaoke:
– Some people really sing quite badly; why should I have to endure such noise pollution?
– I don’t really enjoy singing as a form of expression
– I think it can get pretty†solitary despite it occurring in a group setting; sometimes the†people who aren’t singing are too pre-occupied with choosing their songs, and the singing just becomes a lonely affair
I’m glad I managed to let loose, didn’t feel resentful, and even sang some songs willingly ūüôā
So, how did you spend your 31st of December 2015?